...BELIEVE IT OR NOT...

Yes t day at lunch I went to the distribution center and purchased a new set of these... well I got the quad thing with all of it.I know I am just as shocked myself. Although I have not been on the "right" path for the last several years of my life I have NEVER stopped believing my LDS beliefs. If it was not for the church I don't know how I would get through the loss of my little brother. So last night during one of my emotional break downs I was talking to my mom and all of the sudden I just felt that I needed to get up and go get my scriptures and start right on page 1 of The Book of Mormon, I know without a doubt it was my brother telling me I needed to do this so I am going to do it. I had to get some new ones because in my older age I can't read the super cool tiny ones I had when I was younger, I am getting blind. I believe we are prompted to do these kinds of things so I am going to go with it, I figure it can't hurt me any. I don't know if he wants me to find something in there that will comfort me while dealing with his death or just that I need to do it because I should and I will find a whole lot of comforting things. I am not ready for the whole church thing again but I figure this is a step in the right direction. So thank you to this stud for giving me the push I needed...

And also yesterday was my daddy's 40TH birthday, he has reached that milestone :) I forgot my cable so I will have upload birthday pics tomorrow.

I feel so blessed to have THE BEST DAD EVER, really me and my brother could not ask for a better person to call our Dad. Whether it be packing us in out of the gas station while we were still in car seats just so we could go get a coke with him or laying in bed with us when we were younger until we fell asleep so we weren't scared. My Dad loves us and my mommy unconditonally and I value the close relationship that I have with him. So Happy Birthday Daddy, I know it's still hard to celebrate with Cam gone but he is with us and I hope you had an awesome birthday!

...MUCH NEEDED...

Ugh! I am in much need of a get away and some vacation time from work. And it looks like I am in LUCK...In just about 2 and a half weeks, I will be at my grandpa's house in Moab with my family. So I will be enjoying this and all that Moab has to offer :) Because I love relaxing, and shopping all day buying cheesy Moab gear!

and...

In about 2 and a half months, I will be enjoying this in Jamaica. Now I will admit that I am TERRIFIED to go because I have never been out of the country and I am scared to do so, but isn't this dreamy.
The water park at our resort, I LOVE water slides.

This will be me and my hubby, yes we will have a balcony and will be staying in the Honeymoon Suite. (for free I might add, well not technically were paying but just got upgraded to the Honeymoon Suite for FREE)

Awe I am getting so excited, this will be my first tropical vacation and I can't wait to share it with my hubby!

...THIS WEEK...

This week they will be starting our fence, so in about a week I will be able to look out my back door and see this... (I cannot wait, I haven't been this excited since my wedding lol)Also I am very proud to tell everyone that I cleaned my closet and dresser out and got rid of tons of clothes, this is an accomplishment because it is the first time I have done it without my mom asking me too because I am out on my own. I tried doing the if you haven't worn it in 6 months thing then get rid of it but that was a little hard because two people couldnt wear all of my clothes in 6 months time and the sad thing is it is all fairly new thanks to my VISA :( Anyways I did succeed in getting rid of a big garbage bag full of clothes to send to the DI and another bag full of stuff to throw out because I don't send my hammered gross things to the DI. I felt so relieved after doing it that I am making it a goal to de-clutter & organize one thing at a time or just a big cleaning project that I keep putting off (example: cleaning carpets, trimming our bushes & pulling some out etc.) on a weekly basis. HAHAHA lets see how long this lasts, but I am sure going to try!
On another note, this weekend was quite the downer for us. We had two viewings on Friday and two funerals on Saturday. So we ended up going to one viewing on Friday, my sweet Uncle Scott lost his dad this past week. My heart is breaking for him and his family. Then Saturday we went to a dear family friend's funeral, and man was it a tough one to sit through I am pretty sure I cried the entire time. Bonnie was the sweetest woman I knew she would do anything for anyone, she always had a smile on her face and it was contagious you couldn't not be happy when she was around. During the viewing before one of my little flower girls Sadie asked her grandma "why do you have tears?" and then told her "don't cry grandma, her spirit is with us" sweetest thing EVER she is like 3 or 4. From that moment on I don't think I have felt the spirit so strongly in awhile like I did at that funeral, I know my brother was there with us and it was such a great feeling.

...VALENTINES...

We kept our Valentine's Day pretty low key this year but it was a perfect day! We started the day out with breakfast at Sills with my parents, then we came home and bummed for an hour or so. While we are at home Dust said I am going to go clean up some dog poop while the weather is nice...hmmm WEIRD! Anyways while he was outside I got ready for the movie and when we went out to the car he suprised me with some gorgeous flowers, balloons and a sweet card I was seriously on cloud 9 and I am pretty sure you could not have smacked the smile off of my face. I was so suprised because that is so unlike my hubby to do that and we had agreed we weren't going to do gifts just cards this year because we are paying for the rest of our trip to Jamaica, trying to get a fence, and of course I am shopping my little heart out because we obviously can't go on vacation wearing a single piece of clothing that is nothing but NEW :) Anyways like always we couldn't agree on a movie, I like all girls right now wanted to see Dear John and Dustin wanted to see Book of Eli so we compromised and ended up seeing Wolfman and if you haven't seen it...DON'T is was not good. I told Dust I wanted it to be over so bad like a bad date LOL. After that we came back to the house lounged around and got take out from one of my FAVS Outback. Dustin and I have been dating for going on 4 years now and married for almost 5 months, CRAZY it has been that long it seems like yesterday I was totally crushing on the boy. I had the BEST day with my Valentine that I love oh so very much, and couldn't imagine spending my life with anyone else. Thanks for an awesome day babe and I can't wait for many more Valentine's Days together.
P.S. I will have to post some pics later, but I will leave you with this one.

...BLONDIE...

YES I am so excited...tonight I will be a BLONDIE again. My hair is still blonde now but it has had brown highlights in it for awhile and I have liked them but I miss my platinum blonde hair so much, it is just more me :) Thankfully I have the BEST friend ever that comes and changes my hair all the time even when she does not have too, love ya Kar!

Awe my blonde hair, and my CUTE cousin Gaige.

And the VERY best part of getting my hair done is I get to love on this little stud all night long :) My nephew Krew!

...CONFUSED...

So I am a wee bit confused this morning, last night when I got home from work Dustin looked and me and said "babe I loaded the dishes for you by the way" and last night I was like oh how sweet because they are usually waiting for me when I get home so it was nice that I didn't have to do them. But this morning I told my Mom why is that men think they have done us a FAVOR by helping out with dishes, laundry, dusting, vacuuming etc. Like they do not benefit from it or that anything related to house work is OUR work? Good thing he is so cute and I love him to pieces so this just makes me laugh :)

...A LITTLE LATE...

I know I may be a bit behind but I have finally figured out what my goals for this year are going to be...

1. Lose some weight and tone my body (I know what a unique resolution).
2. Acutally use my checkbook register and budget our money, I need to save more.
3. Get organized and stay organized, at home and at work.
4. Get pregnant, YES i have told my hubby I won't wait until next year (and carry and deliver a healthy baby).
5. Cook dinner more for my hubby, I am horrible at this.
6. And last but not least is to try and stay more positive.

I know as the year goes on I will probably be adding more to my list but this is what I am going to start with. Wish me luck!

...ANY IDEAS?...

Ok so I know this is starting a bit early but that is ok because part of my New Years Resolution this year is to be more organized, that includes buying gifts for Birthdays, Christmas, Valentines, etc. early and not procrastinating and waiting until the last minute to get something. Anyways for Valentines this year I want to do something extra special for Dust because it is our first Valentines in our home and our first as husband and wife, so I want to do something really romantic, unique, and have it be a surprise! So if anyone has any ideas I would really appreciate it!

...HAPPY BIRTHDAY...

I just want to wish my baby brother a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY today, this little stud would have been 15 today. Cam's birthday is by far the HARDEST day of the year for me because this is his special day and it kills me that he is not here in person for me to spoil like old times. I miss this boy like crazy and I am so thankful for the gospel and knowing that we are sealed as a family for eternity and I will get to be with him again someday. So this year my gift to my brother is going to be a promise that I will try my VERY hardest to keep myself together, can't say I will be able to do it but I am going to try! Love you brother *hugs* & *kisses* from your Sista :)

...NEW YEAR...

Ok so I know I have been slacking on my posts so here is one, but I am going to warn you it might be a downer because I am just in a downer kind of mood lately so read at your own risk :) Well Christmas came and went, and it was good but I am glad it is over to be honest, it is just hard for me to be happy around the holidays I am tired of it being so commercialized and all about gifts so that so many of us forget what Christmas is all about. And I am not ready to start a new year I honestly wish I could go back a few years and stay there FOREVER (with the exceptions of being married to Dust and my sweet girl Mylee) but then at the same time I am glad to see 2009 be in the past, it was an emotional rollercaoster for my family and so many 1st's (as in Cam's 1st birthday since his death, the 1st New Years Eve, 1st Easter, 1st time celebrating my birthday without him since he was born, 1st Memorial Day and so on) it made it a rough year and they say time will heal and I am hoping it does I know it will never take the pain away or make us forget but hopefully it will get easier. We had to watch our BEST FRIENDS that are more family bury their young son and that tore me apart for them to feel that pain I know oh so well and seeing them suffer is so hard. We also lost my Great Grandma Tice ironically exactly one year to the day that my other Great Grandma died last year. But 2009 also had its ups I married my best friend and the love of my life and we bought our first home together. I feel like throughout the past year my relationships with my husband, parents and family have become stronger and I am so grateful to have them in my life. I still need to decide what my New Year's Resolution is going to be (I am thinking to lose some weight and be more positive). I want to say thanks to all my family and friends who have been there for us this year through the happy and sad times, and to all my blogging friends that leave me sweet comments and want to know what is going on in our lives. I hope that everyone has a FUN and SAFE New Years! :)

mY sWeeT hUbbY...

Ok so I have to give a little shout out to my hubby. Friday night I came home from work and felt so sick so I layed on the couch with my babies and just watched TV, well I must have fallen asleep and when I woke up Dustin was up in the kitchen making noise, I asked him "what are you doing babe?" and he said "just making us some dinner". Now this is no ordinary thing, Dust does not cook AT ALL and has never made dinner so I was completely shocked and thought it was so cute and thoughtful of him. He had planned on making mac and cheese with little weenies cut up in it but he forgot to make sure we had sauce, which we didn't so he made garlic alfredo sauce with little weenies, quite the combo I must say LOL but I was so excited I didn't even care I ate it with a smile on my face :) and I didn't even mind the mess he left that I picked up later. I still am so impressed that he didn't over cook the noodles, first his first meal I think that is pretty good! I love my hubby so very much and I am so grateful that I get to come home to him every night! Thanks for the first dinner babe and hopefully there will be many more to come.

BaBy BuG...

Ok so this blog post is going to get a little personal for me but I need some help. As a woman what do you do when you are more than ready for a baby but your husband is not jumping on board with it? I feel like being a woman getting preggers is such an amazing thing to be able to carry a life that you created in you and when you are ready for it but your hubby isn't it is a VERY emotional thing, trust me I am in the middle of it now. I have been ready for months but agreed to hold off until after our vacation to Jamaica in May of next year but here is where it gets a little personal for me. As you all know I lost my little brother a year ago and he visits me often in my dreams, well for about a month now every time he comes I have been telling my mom I think he is trying to tell me our baby is ready, so I just played it off but a couple weeks ago he came again and the message was very clear he brought a baby girl to me and she was mine! So now this baby thing has become such a MUST for me and after having my brother tell me it is time I feel like I can't wait any longer and in my heart it is just what I am ready for at this point in my life. It has made me emotional and I cry about it all the time, the combination of wanting it to begin with and now having my brother tell me it is time is becoming unbearable not to get prego. So here is the million dollar question how can I make my hubby see why this is so important to me cause trust me I have tried and is it selfish for him to be holding me back or me pressuring him into it! UGH so frustrating! :(

TeAm JaCoB...

So we went and saw New Moon on Friday and yes when I say WE I mean Dustin & I. I drug him to the movie along with my Mom and Dad, I loved it I can't wait to see it again! And even though my Mom loves to rub it in my face I have switched teams...I am in love with Jacob he is so SEXY and he is so SWEET ugh I just fell in love with him :) Honestly how can you not, girls if you are still in love with Edward after seeing Jacob I think you need to have your head checked!

Mmmmm

Sorry Rob your just not doing it for me either...

Oh and P.S. I am really starting to dislike Bella who is she to play these two against each other like she is some prize! Not to mention she totally led Jacob along and used him as her fill in for someone who left her, I need to get a Team Bella Sucks shirt!

...HaLLoWeeN...

I love Halloween it is by far my FAV! So I still shocked at myself for not dressing up this year, I had planned on it of course but Cam's old football team made it to the mini bowl and they were playing on Halloween night. I could't get not going to support them off my mind all morning and I just felt I really needed to be there, so last minute we decided to go support the boys so that meant no costume because I was not about to freeze in it at the game since we were headed to a party right after. But I am glad we went to the football game even though it was a BUMMER the boys lost :( and there is always next year for my costume, and that gives me a WHOLE year to lose some weight to look better in it (ready to drag my out of shape butt running Paige :) ha ha! But I did dress my babies up so here are a few pics of them, and some recent pics. Hope everyone had a fun & safe Halloween! Our family on Halloween My Cute Bumble Bee
My Cute Pumpkin
All my Babies :)

Coop & Mylee these two are bes frens it is so cute to watch them!

...CoOpEr...

So last night my parents got another beagle...we named him Cooper Edward :) He is so stinkin cute and we already love this little guy so much. He came home last night and was running around playing all night long, except Mylee didn't really know what to think of him at first and I think he was starting to annoy her, so I guess now she knows how her brother feels when she bugs him. My family is on this beagle kick, we now have three between us. It all started when my parents got Zoey for Cam and we have all fallen in love with the breed, if any of you have ever had one you know they are a lot of work but so so worth it! I love dogs SO much I feel bad for people that didn't grow up with one or don't have one in their home now, I don't think a home is complete without one. "Who ever said money can't buy happiness has never owned a puppy"!

The one who started it all...our niece Zoey June!

Our baby boy...Rosko Burke!

Our baby girl...Mylee Rae or Sis!

...SePtEmBeR 26, 2009...

Ok so now that life is semi back to normal I can finally post some of my pics from the wedding. Our wedding day was EVERYTHING I dreamed of and much much more, it turned out to be so beautiful and it sure made all me & my moms hard work so worth it. Everyone kept asking if I was nervous to marry Dust and I never got nervous at all (no joke) I think it is because I have never been so sure of something in my life. I was a little nervous that I was going to lose it without my brother there in person but I know he was there and with me the entire time or I would not have made it through the day holding it together as well as I did. They day went by so fast like everyone said it would and I can actually say I am sad it is over so I am glad I have awesome pictures to remember it. I love Dustin with everything that I am and I love being married, even as close as we are being married has changed our relationship I feel like we are closer than ever and it just makes me smile to call him husband and call myself his wife. I love you babe and I am so excited to spend the rest of my life with you, and enjoy life's adventures with you! Everyone wore these angel pins in memory of my baby brother. (Great idea Mommy!)
Husband & Wife FINALLY!
Mom gettin me ready, I love this pic!
Me & my Daddy so presh!
LOVED my cake
Ring shot
My favorite thing to do...Kiss him!
Dust wanted to be all sweet about this feeding each other thing he was saying no don't smash it in my face, what did I do....Yep SMASHED it in his face!
This is my brothers Bronco so we took some pics by it and I love them!

Another Bronco shot with my beautiful bouquet

Great pic of the boys :)My lovely ladies, and can you believe my maid of honor on my right (Karlie) had my nephew only a week ago when this pic was taken.Nat, Me, and Stine. Such a cute picture

ToDaY!

TODAY!... Is the day I get to marry my best friend and the love of my life :) I am so excited I can hardly stand it... I love you boo FOREVER and ALWAYS!

ThIs SaTuRdAy...

This Saturday, September 26, 2009 I get to marry my best friend, soul mate, and the love of my life. It is so close I am feeling so many emotions. I met Dustin when we were 19 and nothing really came of it, but a year later we acutally hung out and I don't believe in love at first sight (just cause I don't think you can love someone you don't know) but I knew they was something special between us! I never thought that I would find someone that is so perfect for me, I am SO grateful to have him in my life and I honestly don't know what I would do without him. He is such an amazing person and has changed my life in so many ways I don't know how I could ever thank him enough for that. I love him so much and I can't wait to be his wife, I am going to spend the rest of my life loving him unconditionally and making him as happy as he has made me. I love you Boo, forever and always!

mY bRoThEr...

So Friday September 11, 2009 was the one year anniversary of my brothers death. I have been dreading this day for so very long because I knew it was going to be a hard one. Suprisingly I did ok that day I thought I had gotten all the crying out that morning and spent the day with my parents and just remembered Cam. Well I went home that night and lost it, I packed Rosko up at like 9 and headed to the cemetery (for the 2nd time that day) in the dark like a crazy woman and just cried, and my mom finally came and got me because she didn't like me there alone in the dark. I just wanted to say that me and my brother were so very close and did everything together and talked all day long on the phone and text messages, there was never a doubt about how much he meant to me and what a strong bond we shared it was special and everyone around us seen it and would always say they wished they had a relationship like that with their siblings. Well let me just tell you, I had NO IDEA the impact that boy had in my life he is such a big part of me that I have come to the conclusion that I will never be 100% until I am with him again, his death is a void in my life that will never be filled. Cam was such a good person it is absolutley amazing the impact he had on so many peoples lives, I hope he knows and sees just how much he meant to everyone. I truly believe that after all he had been through at the hospital that he decided to leave this earth because of all that he would have had to live with after it was all said and done, I don't blame him. I am so grateful to have had him in my life and all this pain is a small price to pay for the time I had with him and I would do it all over again. I am also so grateful for the gospel and the peace of mind it gives me knowing that he is in a better place and that we are an eternal family and I will get to be with him again one day, I always tell my mom I feel sorry for people who don't have the gospel in their lives and have to deal with this pain on their own because my FAITH is all that gets me through it. I am grateful for my friends & family that sent nice messages and flowers to let us know they were thinking of us, also my Parents I don't know what we would do without each other our strong relationship helps us to be there for each other I love them so much! And last but not least I am so thankful for Dustin he lets me cry to him and break down and is just there, And when I have a crazy melt down he doesn't say a word other than letting me know how much he loves me and I love and appreciate him more than I could ever explain. Sorry about another sad post, but I wanted to do one in my Brother's memory.

No MoRe TaNNiNg FoR mE...

So for months I have been a TOTAL FREAK about being tan in all my pictures and for my wedding day, especially since my hair is super blonde right now I didn't want to look like a ghost. Well recently a really good friend of mine, actually she is family...anways Stacy told me to never go tanning again because her cousin has Melanoma and it is just not worth it. So that got me wondering and I have done a ton on research on it and let me just tell you if you have not read about it and you tan you NEED too. It is so scary, I read how it not only affects your skin but can affect your organs and insides :( Also that if you tan regularly before the age of 30 you are 70% more likely to get it! I was so amazed at how many people get it and die from it a year, it totally freaked me out and I never care if I get into a tanning bed again I will just be white and I really will be because I have such fair skin. So for the wedding I am going to do the whole spray tan thing, Karlie found a way good place that I am going to use but does anyone have any recommendations on how soon before the wedding I should go? I heard for the first day maybe two it gets on your clothes a bit and I really don't want it on my dress! HELP!